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SocietyJuly 3, 2025

Help Me Hera: I think I need to break up with my best friend

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A long time ago we almost hooked up. Why am I still so hurt?

Want Hera’s help? Email your problem to helpme@thespinoff.co.nz

Dear Hera,

I think I need to break up with my best friend. It’s a long story.

Some time ago we almost got together. I made myself decline her advances since we were colleagues and I was fresh out of a longterm relationship. A few weeks later we had become even more situationship than friendship, and I decided fuck it, this is worth the risk. I told her I felt the same, only to get turned down. It was awful and we stopped speaking for months.

But time heals! We slowly started spending time together again and now we’re closer than ever. She’s my best friend. It helped that we both moved on and started seeing other people. We could go back to being mates without any pesky romantic feelings ever getting in the way.

Recently, she brought up the aforementioned mess, and it was a really good chat. We laughed a lot. But one thing came up that hurt. It turns out that the death blow for our “will-they-won’t-they” had been that she’d slept with someone else – a friend – and didn’t want to have to tell me. I had suspected this at the time, and it’s well in the past, so I brushed it off. I was mostly just happy to finally clear the air on that particularly messy chapter.

Turns out, knowing and suspecting are different things and now I don’t know what to do. She is one of my favourite people in the world. People do stupid things. She admitted she fucked up. And this is all a long time ago. We’re both happily seeing other people now.

On the other hand though, I don’t think I’d have entertained becoming mates again if I’d known for certain. And now I know that I should not have given her the benefit of the doubt.

But I did, and she is now my best friend in the world. Losing her would turn my life upside down. Is it worth doing that over some ancient hurt feelings?

Heartbroken

Dear Heartbroken,

I have read this letter backwards and forwards. I have soaked it in lemon juice and held it up to candlelight. I have run it through all known cryptogram cyphers. But I’m struggling to see the justice of your complaint. 

There are a lot of mixed messages in your letter. You say you love this friend, and she’s your favourite person in the world. That losing her would turn your life upside down. You insist that you’re just good friends, and have both moved on romantically. You’ve laughed about this situation together and become even closer. And then you go and sign the letter “heartbroken.” 

What confuses me most is your anger. Maybe I have Tux Tasty Bites Dry Beef Dog Food for brains, but I have scrutinised this letter from every angle and I honestly can’t see what she did wrong. You say she “fucked up” and “people do stupid things” and you should never have given her the benefit of the doubt. But what did she do that was so fucked up and stupid? Was it sleeping with someone else, after she’d already propositioned you and been rejected? Was it not telling you that she’d slept with someone else after you’d already changed your mind? 

I don’t blame you for feeling sad about the situation. I don’t even think you did the wrong thing. Jumping straight out of a long-term relationship into a new romantic fling with a close friend and coworker is a high-risk situation, and I can completely understand your initial trepidation. The fact that your feelings eventually won out, only to discover you were too late, is obviously painful. Missed opportunities hurt more than outright rejections. 

What isn’t fair is blaming her for this mess. It’s not pleasant to discover someone you have a crush on has slept with a friend. But even if there was still some simmering romantic tension between you, or you’d started sleeping together casually, it’s not fair to expect her to keep a respectful period of monogamous celibacy on the off chance you’d change your mind. You’re processing this like a romantic infidelity, but you can’t cheat on someone you’re not in a relationship with, especially if you’ve already made it clear to the other person that a relationship isn’t on the cards. While the situation is undeniably messy, even if your friend regrets her choices, it doesn’t mean she “fucked up.” Perhaps your hurt has to do with the conviction that if she hadn’t slept with that friend, things would have turned out differently between you. It’s fine to be mildly tormented by regret. But you share some responsibility for the way things unfolded between you.  

Maybe you’d say that your hurt isn’t to do with the fact that she’d slept with someone else, it’s that she didn’t tell you. But then you go on to say that if she had told you, you’d never have entertained becoming friends again. This makes no sense. If you want to opt out of a relationship because the rejection is too painful, that’s one thing. But you can’t have your cake and fuck it too. 

Did she have an obligation to tell you? Considering you were already hurt enough to stop talking for months, I can’t see how her offering up this information would have been relevant or productive at the time. You can’t expect full transparency from someone you’re not on speaking terms with.

I think the reason you’re having a hard time reconciling this perceived “betrayal” with your current platonic friendship is because you still have residual feelings for her. You say that these days, you’re strictly platonic. But this whole letter is bogged down with retrospective anguish. I think part of you must still be holding a candle for this girl, or the situation wouldn’t hurt so bad. 

Perhaps there’s some specific emotional nuance I’ve missed in your letter which is fuelling your sense of retrospective injustice. But from where I’m sitting, it looks like you’re struggling to forgive someone who doesn’t need your forgiveness. I’d encourage you to do a little soul searching and be honest with yourself about why you’re so hurt. If you can’t move past this, perhaps your feelings aren’t as platonic as you think, and you’re not ready to be friends. There’s no shame in that. But don’t act like the wounded party. Sometimes there’s nobody to blame.

Keep going!
Semaglutide medications manufactured by Novo Nordisk a Danish multinational pharmaceutical company.
Semaglutide medications manufactured by Novo Nordisk a Danish multinational pharmaceutical company.

SocietyJuly 3, 2025

Everything you need to know about Ozempic and Wegovy in New Zealand

Semaglutide medications manufactured by Novo Nordisk a Danish multinational pharmaceutical company.
Semaglutide medications manufactured by Novo Nordisk a Danish multinational pharmaceutical company.

In the online world, Wegovy and Ozempic are tied to extreme weight loss – particularly among newly gaunt celebrities. So how are they being prescribed and used in New Zealand?

Injection pens of Wegovy are now available at pharmacies to those with weight loss prescriptions and deep pockets. Medsafe made the decision to approve the medication for weight loss in April, barely three months ago. Smaller doses of the same drug under a different name (Ozempic) were approved to treat type 2 diabetes in 2023.

Both Wegovy and Ozempic are semaglutide – a drug that first entered the US market in 2017 as a diabetes medication. It was quickly hyped online as the secret to celebrities achieving extreme thinness. In 2021 the drug was re-marketed as a weight loss solution and global shortages have ensued.

On Monday, associate health minister David Seymour couched the announcement of Wegovy’s arrival as a way to “save [the] country billions”. He said health problems like type 2 diabetes, heart disease and liver disease that are linked to obesity put a “major strain” on the health system, with reports estimating the cost of excess weight at $4-9 billion a year. “We’re giving Kiwis access to another tool to deal with this problem,” said Seymour.

How does the medication work?

Wegovy and Ozempic are doses of semaglutide, a GLP-1 agonist. It is self-injected as a clear fluid once a week and mimics a naturally occurring hormone. It binds to and activates GLP-1 receptors that are responsible for insulin production, regulating blood sugar levels, appetite and gastric emptying. Essentially, taking semaglutide makes people eat less as they feel more full or satiated, don’t feel as hungry and food cravings are reduced.

Assortment of weight loss and diabetic drugs on the table
Assortment of weight loss and diabetic drugs. (Photo: Douglass Cliff via Getty).

When are people prescribed these medications?

In New Zealand, Wegovy can be prescribed for weight loss or weight maintenance in adults with a BMI of 30 or more, or a BMI of 27 with at least one weight-related comorbidity. In adolescents (12-18 years old) it can be prescribed when BMI indicates the person is obese and they weigh more than 60kg. The medication is intended to be used alongside a reduced-calorie diet and increased physical activity.

New Zealand has the third highest adult obesity rate in the OECD, and it continues to increase. One in three adults (over 15 years) and one in 10 children are classified as obese.

Ozempic has been approved by Medsafe for the treatment of type 2 diabetes, but is not available to buy here due to a worldwide shortage. A similar, but less effective, drug called Saxenda is available for treating diabetes and weight loss. Many patents will now be transitioning from Saxenda to Wegovy.

Do they work?

Wegovy and Ozempic have helped millions of people lose weight – in 2021 the participants of a landmark clinical trial lost on average 15% of their body weight over the course of 68 weeks. For type 2 diabetics, semaglutide helps to lower blood sugar levels. A trial from 2023 showed that semaglutide cut the risk of heart attacks and strokes by a fifth in patients with a history of cardiovascular disease.

How long do they have to be taken for?

Semaglutide is not a one-and-done permanent cure for obesity. While it has transformed the weight loss field, it is not like a round of antibiotics nor does it have lasting effects like gastric sleeve surgery. Obesity is a chronic disease and medications for it should be viewed much like medications used to reduce blood pressure – they must be ongoing in order to continue working. When people stop taking semaglutide, they tend to regain most of the weight they lost. Novo Nordisk, the manufacturer of Ozempic and Wegovy, said in a statement to the BBC that “these findings also confirm the chronicity of obesity and suggest ongoing treatment is required to maintain improvements in weight and health.”

The leading theory is that this is because semaglutide only masks dysregulation in the brain relating to appetite so once a person comes off it their food cravings return. There’s also concerns that people are left with GLP-1 deficits. Some practitioners in the medical weight loss field provide dieticians and psychologists alongside medication to increase the possibility that people may not need weight loss medication forever. Clinical trials to see if following higher doses of semaglutide in an acute phase with lower maintenance doses on a long-term basis could be effective are under way. In any case it seems that many people will have to rely on medication permanently to avoid relapses. 

Sounds expensive. Who is paying for all this?

Yeah, Wegovy is likely to cost people $450 to $600 a month. It is not currently funded by Pharmac so patients will have to pay for the treatment themselves. The same is true for Saxenda. Future decisions around funding are up to Pharmac and the supplier and would need to be prioritised against all other medicines.

The cost is likely to put Wegovy out of reach for many people. “When I look at the health statistics, a lot of body size runs hand in hand in parallel with lower incomes,” said associate professor Lesley Grey, from the department of primary health care and general practice at the University of Otago. “The very people who may be able to benefit most are going to be the least likely to be able to take it now.”

Already debate as to whether it should be funded or not has begun. Some experts like professor Boyd Swinburn from Auckland University’s school of population health say that unjustified prejudice – “the view that people’s excess weight is their own silly fault” – may cause hurdles. He thinks that without funding, Wegovy won’t make much of an impact, but over time as other drug manufacturers make similar drugs and generic alternatives, the price will drop.

boxes of Ozempic and Wegovy
Two names, same semaglutide. (Image: Getty / The Spinoff)

What are the risks and side effects?

Common side effects include headaches, dizziness, nausea, vomiting, diarrhoea, constipation, abdominal pain, fatigue, Gastritis, Gastrooesophageal reflux disease, Dysgeusia (taste disorder), Dysaesthesia (sensation of burning skin), gas, abdominal distension (swelling), dry mouth, gallstones, hair loss and injection site reactions.

Uncommon side effects include increased heart rate, acute pancreatitis, delayed gastric emptying, impaired renal function, acute kidney injury, worsening chronic renal failure and acute pancreatitis (fatal and non-fatal).

Using semaglutide is not recommended when people are pregnant, breastfeeding, over 84 years old, have inflammatory bowel disease, diabetic gastroparesis or end-stage renal disease. Much is unknown – the drug hasn’t been tested in under-12s and its effect on fertility in humans is unknown.

Are we fueling a culture that prizes thinness above all else?

In a statement to media, Eve Hermansson-Webb, a clinical psychologist at the Eating Disorders Association of New Zealand says that “while weight loss may be framed as a health pursuit, the reality is that it often stems from internalised appearance ideals, societal pressure, and stigma – not genuine medical need.” She says there’s concerns that the increasing visibility of weight loss medication may further normalise the use of prescription medication as a means to pursue appearance-based goals.

Hermansson-Webb also says that the medication focuses on a narrow approach to health that may not represent true wellbeing. “Tools like these reinforce the societal message that thinner is better, whatever the cost, even if that’s not achievable, appropriate, or healthy for many people.”