New verse by Wellington writer Freya Daly Sadgrove.

 

STIHL power equipment

I wanna be a tool for you

like I specifically wanna be your STIHL chainsaw

I want you dad-aged and swearing by me

cos I do such a good job

and I last exactly a lifetime—

I want you to be     careful

about lending me to your friends

as in I want you to print out instructions for them

I want you treating me so lovingly

that it borders on     anal

 

part of the appeal is that you can never blame tools

which just fits because nothing is ever my fault

I just do what I’m supposed to do

which endears me to you so much

you’ll feel compelled to acquire other     smaller tools

especially for my upkeep

but I wanna be the only one

that you build a special shelf for in your shed

 

it’ll be like that one really crap Mutton Birds song

when a man holds a thing well made

there’s connection     there’s completeness

—yeah I wanna give you that feeling

you’re just such a good honest kiwi bloke

and I really wanna give you that feeling

 

Freya Daly Sadgrove, 2017