As we barrel through the international window, Premier League twitter once again becomes a case of the haves and the have-nots. Those who have international duty have not got the time to watch the final of Great British Bake Off and Grand Designs back-to-back like Norwich City’s Matt Jarvis, and for that they deserve nothing but pity. This could be the most contented tweet I’ve ever seen?
Bake off done, now time for Grand designs! ????????
— Matt Jarvis (@MrMattJarvis) October 7, 2015
Premier League Mixtape of the Week
What do you think of my mixtape? ???????????? https://t.co/vo3Lhqk8Cq
— Calum Chambers (@CalumChambers95) October 8, 2015
Look, if any other Premier League footballer had made a mixtape this week, this wouldn’t be here. Calum Chambers’ mixtape for the Arsenal website is a complete shambles. He starts with The Kooks, then chooses two Ed Sheeran songs, two Drake songs, before, inexplicably, I Wish It Could Be Christmas Every Day by Wizzard. He’s hardly John Peel. But then John Peel couldn’t have played right back for Arsenal while still in his teens, so…
Premier League Historian of the Week
— Peter Crouch (@petercrouch) October 2, 2015
Crouchy is one of the few Premier League footballers you could have imagined being more of a Blur fan, but turns out he’s Oasis through and through.
Premier League Acknowledgement of New Zealand of the Week
The Hakka is so good to watch
— Ryan Bennett (@ryanbennett_22) October 2, 2015
Pretty sure Norwich City defender Ryan Bennett watches more telly than anyone else in the Premier League, which is cool. This week he’s been watching a bit of the rugger and it seems he likes the look of our famous Hakka. Thanks mate!
Premier League Business Venture of the Week
Pie and mash tasty !! X pic.twitter.com/jMW8NpFkFC
— Konch's Kafe (@KonchsKafe) October 7, 2015
Hard to believe I was only the 100th person to follow Konch’s Kafe, the new pie ‘n’ mash shop opened in Brentford by Premier League stalwart Paul Konchesky. Looks like an absolute dream spot.
Premier League Ambivalence of the Week
Arsenal’s 3-0 dismantling of Manchester United at the weekend sent shockwaves through the Premier League, but one man remained unmoved.
Premier League Hauntingly Bleak Photo of the Week
We have a real battle on our hands for this Blue Riband award this week.
The first contender is Nacho Monreal, returning home to his desolate house to enjoy a lonely beer after Arsenal’s big win.
— nacho monreal (@_nachomonreal) October 4, 2015
The challenger is Leicester City’s Jeffrey Schlupp, holed up in his hotel room watching My Wife and Kids in his compression tights.
Just got to the hotel in Norwich ⚽️. Feet up watching My wife and kids! ???????? pic.twitter.com/vpwnNoEz9T
— jeffrey schlupp (@Jeffrey_Schlupp) October 2, 2015
I’ve got to give this one to Nacho. It reminds me of the final scene of The Trip where Steve Coogan returns home to his deafeningly quiet apartment after a week on the road with Rob Brydon. Just devastating.