The first days of national lockdown have truly brought out the best in our social media stars. Alex Casey counts down the classics.
Yesterday I got served with the Instagram notification that normally only pops up around Christmas-time. “You’re all caught up!” it chirped, “you’ve seen every post from the last three days!” The message would usually fill me with a fizzy feeling of self-loathing, but instead I felt proud. Proud of myself and proud of my country. We aren’t even a week into lockdown yet and already we’ve seen a slew of viral challenges, janky live TV shows grow out of nothing and national dress-up days take off across the internet.
Breathe a sight of relief, massage the horn in the back of your head and dust off that smartphone pinky – the internet is finally a nice place to be again. Let me count the ways.
Hilary Barry’s horny tweet
This #badgirl was being horny on main before the lockdown even started, so you can only imagine where we are going to be in four weeks.
The Mad Butcher’s panic shop
He’s obviously the greatest Instagram follow for his breakfasts and his breakfasts alone, but the Butch’s pre-lockdown panic shop was one for the ages. While we were out here screaming about toilet paper and flour, this joker was stockpiling pocket-sized Coke Zeros and a Bonanza five DVD commemorative gift tin. Save some for the rest of us Butch!
Jax Food Hax
Did someone say… EASY PEASY POACHED EGGS!!! These snappy cooking TikToks from Masterchef‘s Jax Hamilton will get you further in life than that damn fluffy coffee thing ever will. A lot of Seussian rhyming to enjoy, and a great jerk mix recipe that will take you “straight to Jamaica and straight out of self-isolation my friends.” We don’t deserve Jax.
Chris Parker felting animals
Comedian Chris Parker is on a mission to craft an entire funny farm of felt animals on his Instagram page, and I don’t really know what other information you need. His daily live broadcasts ft. a lot of frenzied felt stabbing feels appropriately manic for these trying times, and I look forward to seeing the whole gang on a large top hat when this is all said and done.
Cooking with Erin Simpson
At Casa del Zerin (Erin Simpson from the rock show and Zac Franich from The Bachelor NZ), the pair are trying to eat their way through their pantry on Instagram. The other day, Erin figured out a way to use their old waffle cones, scooping a bunch of chilli into one, covering it with cheese and then calling Zac over to eat his lovely nacho cone. He ate four.
Joseph Parker’s Love Actually dance
Talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, spectacular, never the same, totally unique, completely not ever been done before.
#FormalFriday
Hilary Barry makes another appearance on this list after kicking off #FormalFriday on Twitter, a chance for everyone stuck at home to get all dolled up and take a lovely picture to remind us all of what we were like before the track pants welded to our skin. I was going to do it but then something came up.
James Mustapic watching Sue Nicholson
When Sensing Murder’s Sue Nicholson went live on Facebook to do some Covid-19 bants, you bet that James Mustapic was there. His supercut of the highlights is a surrealist masterpiece, and you best believe she calls it the Heineken virus.
Anika Moa doing Songs for Bubbas live
A source confirmed that it’s actually totally fine to watch Anika Moa doing Songs For Bubbas live on her Instagram even if you don’t have kids. That’s just what they said, I’m just reporting that. Please respect their anonymity.
Chris Warner doing a TikTok
Ugh, his range. Watch. Laugh. Repeat.
Happening
Every day of lockdown, comedian Tim Batt is hosting a variety show called Happening in a lo-fi set-up that will make your heart twang for the shambolic days of TVNZ U. Batt is joined (virtually) by comedians, artists and Online People trying to make sense of this all, including meme-lord Hennessy Griffiths pulling things out of her hair. Who said we couldn’t still make great art?