Yesterday, MediaWorks announced that Paul Henry will be hosting New Zealand’s first cross-platform live breakfast show in 2015. If having him on your TV, your radio and your computer is not going to be enough, there will also be an elite range of limited-edition products released to make sure you really get the most Paul Henry out of every day.
Make way for the hottest products of 2015 providing you, the trusty viewer, with more platforms than Waterloo (which MediaWorks is also currently confusedly trying to buy):
Paul Henry Watch
Just because breakfast is over, it doesn’t mean you have to pull the plug on Paul. Tune into Paul Henry Watch, a 24/7 broadcast straight from Paul Henry to your watch. Not only will he keep you in touch with the news, but will periodically play you his favourite videos from the internet to keep you entertained every hour on the hour. When 6 o’clock rolls around, Paul Henry Watch simulcasts a nation-wide tear gas release so you cannot possibly get your news from any other source. It’s perfect, it’s pure – it’s Paul.
Paul Henry Tamagotchi
Pop this little chap in your pocket and make sure you keep him happy night and day. Take him for short walks to visit his mother Olive at the rest home, but make sure you don’t leave him there too long or his boredom levels will shoot through the roof! If he gets hungry, use money to buy delicious buckets of controversy to feed him! Yum!
Paul Henry Google Glass
Wrap on the stylish Google Glass: Paul Henry Edition to keep the good times rolling all through the working day. See that nice lady who just started working across from you? Paul Henry Google Glass will automatically envision a hilarious moustache on her. You. Will. Never. Stop. Laughing. At. Her. Also has a 3D setting for looking at special edition rudey magazines. All this and much more, all from the comfort of your office chair.
Paul Henry Illuminated Manuscript
You know what they say, Old Media is the New Media. With the sudden revival of broadcast television and the transistor radio, why not also experience a smattering of Paul across this equally relevant medium: a beautifully gilded Anglo-Saxon illuminated manuscript from the mid 8th century. By far this is the most beautiful and coveted piece in the series. Let Paul Henry deliver you the news of today, tomorrow and one thousand yesterdays.
Available from www.tv3.co.nz from early 2015*
*Not actually, but maybe?
The Spinoff Weekly compiles the best stories of the week – an essential guide to modern life in New Zealand, emailed out on Monday evenings.