Please enjoy this excellent episode of Shorty Street Scandal, wherein James Mustapic recaps the past week of Ferndale hijinks. This week? Kane gets an A+ in physical education, credit card debt hits Ferndale hard and James Mustapic reveals his sleazy namesake:
Kane and his mysterious Swedish/American teacher had some private tutoring sessions this week. And by private tutoring sessions, I mean sex. Right above the bustling bistro of Ferndale! The cheek! As if that wasn’t already absolutely fine, Jimmy normalised everything further by asking if Kane got an excellence or a not achieved for his performance. Shouldn’t someone be calling the police? This is no time for grade-based puns Jimmy. Muzza wasn’t as disturbed by the ordeal as he should have been, devoting more of his energy to filming boys at the rugby for some reason.
We met the character named after James this week, and boy is he a doozy. Reuben Mustapic from the Ministry of Sleaze is a grade A groper. It seems his task at hand is 20% admin and 80% hitting on Pania:
The Warners returned home this week, and Harry was reunited with Pixie (stoned out of her eyeballs, as always). He was disappointed to have missed her surgery, and wanted to make up for it by putting his arm around her as Phoenix’s disembodied head looked on:
Vinny and Nicole remain severely on the rocks after the recent revelation that Nicole might have schizophrenia. Leanne has based this on her credit card splurges that she fails to recall, but Nicole isn’t the only one hitting the shops this week. Over at camp Kylie, our tanned queen has been raking up huge debts at a place called Angelique’s. Unnecessarily, we had to find out that Angelique’s is a lingerie store. “TK likes lace” Kylie explained, whilst those around her dry wretched into their elbows.
Finally this week, Boyd ran over a lady and it was exactly like this. Tune in tonight to see how the saga unfolds.
The Bulletin is The Spinoff’s acclaimed daily digest of New Zealand’s most important stories, delivered directly to your inbox each morning.