It’s a truth universally acknowledged that the path to the Idiot Hut is paved with trouble. Will Roger escape? Will Brianna marry Lord John? Will Jamie Fraser ever cry more than single tear? Tara Ward recaps the dramatic season finale of Outlander.
Friends, we’ve reached the end of the Outlander highway, and I’m as exhausted as if I’d walked all the way to 1770 wearing nothing but a wispy pair of pants. We’ve made it to the season finale. We’ve scaled a Fraser’s Ridge worth of excitement, we’ve been trapped in an Idiot Hut of emotion, and now all that lies before us is the bleak abyss of another lengthy Droughtlander.
We also have Jamie Fraser peering through a telescope, so let’s stop crying into our Outlander fleece blankets and regroup because the sun has come out again.
This week’s finale delivered like a time traveller giving birth to a child of disputable paternity. Loose threads were woven together into a cloak of drama, with a birth, a reunion, a farewell, a hot bed of romance, a truckload of violence, some fantastic frocks and several incredible facials from Jamie. Where was his telescope? He didn’t see this one coming.
Another moment we didn’t see coming:
But first to Roger “Dog Face” MacKenzie, the hairy historian still trapped in an Idiot Hut of his own misfortune. The Frasers finally arrived at Shadow Lake to buy Roger back, but were banished when the Mohawk recognised Claire’s necklace. It had originally belonged to Otter Tooth, a mysterious man who turned up at Shadow Lake with ominous warnings about the future.
Sounds as familiar as a woman arriving from 1972 warning of a deadly fire, which everyone seems to have conveniently forgotten. Fair enough, let’s deal with deathly crisis at a time.
The path to the Idiot Hut is often paved with trouble, and the Frasers weren’t about to leave Roger behind, no matter how hairy he’d become. In an emotional game of musical hostages, both Jamie and Ian offered to swap places with Roger. Claire cried over losing Jamie, Jamie wept over losing Ian, and I bawled because Rollo the Dog is true star of Outlander and I’ll miss that furball like Roger misses chocolate biscuits.
In other news, see how happy Ian was to join the Mohawk. Look at that face!
Also stoked was fugitive Murtagh, who rocked up to River Run to chow down on Jocasta’s roast dinner (not a euphemism) and hide in her secret quarters (definitely a euphemism). I’ve waited all season for these two gems to hook up, and as Murtagh’s post-coital bed hair cascaded down his back like a glorious silver waterfall, Jocasta stood resplendent in the finest dressing gown I’ve ever seen.
If these two lovers don’t shimmy into season 5 like a giddy pair of rutting teenagers, then I’ll eat my tricorn.
Back in New York, Roger was a free man, exhausted and with facial hair that was officially out of control. He struggled with the news about Brianna, but still found the energy to revenge-punch Jamie to a pulp. For a man who could barely stand up five minutes earlier and only had one good arm, Roger really showed Jamie that he’s a historian who can fight in a forest. Ugh, couldn’t they have just workshopped their feelings with a heated game of ‘The Minister’s Cat’?
Spare a thought for Claire, who was over this entire shitfest and in desperate need of a cold glass of chardonnay and one of Marsali’s delicious cheeseboards. (Outlander, I have several jaunty cheeseboard-related storylines at the ready. Call me).
Brianna also deserved a big wheel of cheese after giving birth to a beautiful son. If 1 is Jamie in a tricorn and 5 is Murtagh wrapped in a bed sheet giving ‘come hither’ eyes to old mate Jocasta, then this fresh wee cherub scored 5,000 on the Official Outlander Scale of Cuteness™. Pretty sure I saw newborn culottes under that swaddle, so early results indicate Roger is indeed the baby’s father. That’s science for you, don’t question me.
Tiny trousers are fun, but nothing could lift Brianna’s mood when Jamie and Claire returned to River Run without her beloved Roger. For crying out loud, where could the Bearded Wonder be?
Roger eventually trotted his way back into Brianna’s heart with a reunion scene that promised great things, but somehow fell flatter than Jamie’s fringe. “You’re here,” Brianna said unnecessarily, given she probably smelt Roger before she saw him. “I love you,” Roger cried, before smothering Brianna with his beard and demanding to see his son. Oh, Roger. The Minister’s Cat is a delighted cat.
Was this to be a rare Outlander happy ending? Of course not. While Brianna and Roger pashed their little 20th century hearts out, an entire army of Redcoats arrived to deliver a letter from Governor Tryon. He ordered Jamie to join the fight against the Regulators and hunt down the worst criminal of them all, bloody Murtagh Fitzgibbons. Awkward cliffhanger alert!
Wrap me in a pair of culottes and bury me in the nearest Idiot Hut, because we’re done. See you for season five, because in the immortal words of Jamie Fraser: I will always come back to you.