Let’s meet the brave Australians who threw caution to the wind in search of $250,000 and a free trip around the planet. 

It’s been yonks since we last took a trip with The Amazing Race, so it’s ironic that the latest season hits our screens during a time when we can’t go anywhere. Who wants to go to the beach anyway? Sand in cracks is never good, especially during global catastrophe.

So thank you, Straya, for giving us The Amazing Race: Australia, the iconic reality show that lets us travel the world without leaving home. Each week, 11 teams take a journey around the globe in pursuit of a $250,000 prize, following a set of cryptic clues that leads to a series of wacky challenges, while negotiating foreign cities, unfamiliar languages, and questionable modes of transport. The contestants are constantly pushed to their limits, and you can bet your last Australian dollar that someone will lose their temper, be ripped off by a taxi driver, or run past a vital clue that’s right in front of them. 

It’s a world of laughter and a world of tears, and The Amazing Race: Australia is the armchair travel show we need right now. Let’s meet the brave Australians who threw caution to the wind in search of $250,000 and a free trip around the planet.  We’ve ranked the teams in a highly scientific and completely unreliable manner, mostly based on their matching outfits and the number of times they mention “positivity” in their official bio. I know, but that’s science for you.

11. Judy and Therese

Forgive me Father, for I have sinned by putting the nuns at #11. Judy and Therese plan to win by spreading kindness and joy, and reckon the Big Fella is on their side. Will the Big Fella help them eat numerous wasabi bombs in case they get this legendary Sushi roulette roadblock? Also, what’s the Big Fella’s position on secretly using Google Maps? Asking for a friend.

10. Sid and Ash

Influencers Sid and Ash hail from Bondi and love the “finer things in life”. You know what else is fine? Sid and Ash’s matching race wear.  Super snazzy, consider me influenced. 

9. Alana and Niko

Gen Z siblings with a fine taste in cheery yellow shirts, because Amazing Race contestants who wear yellow are probably 63.2% more successful than those who don’t. See? That’s why it’s amazing.

8. Tom and Tyler

“Athletic, charming and ambitious, the boys plan on using their looks and charm on getting over the line when all else fails.” Same, I haven’t showered in three weeks of lockdown. Looks and charm, lads, looks and charm.

7. Chris and Adrienne

Married couple Chris and Adrienne have already faced a lifetime of adventures together, but how will they go when they’re stuck in the back of a taxi with a driver who refuses to go over the speed limit? It’s the litmus test of life.   

6. Femi and Nick

These BFFs work as psychiatric nurses by day and personal trainers by night. They’re sure to bring endless amounts of energy, and I look forward to being exhausted just from watching them.

5. Rowah and Amani

This mother-daughter team is ready to smash open stereotypes and empower women.  Let’s hope they’re also ready to smash open hundreds of bales of hay and thousands of tiny sandcastles to find that next clue, or we’re in deep trouble.

4. Tim & Rob

Tim and Rob tick every Amazing Race box, and I love them already. Physical trainers? Tick. Adrenaline junkies ready to dive headfirst into any challenge? Tick. Newlyweds flying high on the fumes of love? Tick, tick, tickety tick. Restore my faith in romance, Tim and Rob, preferably while you’re simultaneously harvesting 100 Vietnamese snails and riding a Mongolian camel.

3. Viv and Joey

Good things come in small packages, and these Melbourne siblings are determined to prove their short stature will be an advantage. If that determined attitude doesn’t see Viv and Joey make the top three, I will eat my super snazzy matching race wear.

2. Jasmin and Jerome

Married couple Jasmin and Jerome’s incredible drive and determination will take them a long way in this glorious, global travel-fest. Best of all, they’re “handy with a map”, a highly underrated skill that should be listed on our CVs next to “can run at pace towards the finish line” and “remains calm while milking a stubborn Mongolian goat”.

1. Hayley and Mikayla

A high ranking based purely on their magnificent shirts, which feature a giant crab raising its pincers in victory, and the fact their official bio says “pharmacist Hayley is a walking Rocky theme song”. Who knows what any of that means, but I reckon they can probably catapult a watermelon without getting smooshed in the piehole, so see you on the winner’s podium, crab queens.  

The Amazing Race: Australia airs every Monday from tonight at 7.30pm on TVNZ 2

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