A collage of four black-and-white restaurant scenes shows people arguing and looking frustrated, overlaid with a large red fork and spoon crossed at the center.
Photos: Getty Images; design: The Spinoff

KaiJune 27, 2025

A step-by-step guide to how not to eat out

A collage of four black-and-white restaurant scenes shows people arguing and looking frustrated, overlaid with a large red fork and spoon crossed at the center.
Photos: Getty Images; design: The Spinoff

Nick Iles details the customer behaviour that makes the hard-working hospo folk of Wellington want to crawl inside themselves and scream ferociously into the endless void.

Table Service is a column about food and hospitality in Wellington, by Nick Iles.

Going out to eat is one of life’s greatest pleasures: like cigarettes in Europe or your cat walking straight at you when you come home. But for those working at the place you’re dining, it can sometimes be a little bit more tricky. While most restaurant goers are lovely, there is a select group who make staff want to crawl inside themselves and scream ferociously into the endless void. 

I checked in with some of the hard-working hospo folk of Wellington to work out what goes on inside of the mind of “that customer”. 

Booking ahead

The thrill is in the spontaneity. Maybe you’ll come, maybe you won’t. Maybe it’ll be this place, maybe not. Book five places for the same night and choose the vibe you like best when you’re two wines deep. Ghosting a reservation isn’t rude, it’s mysterious. Restaurants love guessing games and empty tables. It keeps them humble. You are not responsible for a restaurant remaining profitable. 

NB Restaurants that require a booking deposit are greedy and should be avoided at all costs. 

The arrival

Doors are hard. If you find one closed, leave it open behind you like the trailblazer you are. Walk in fast and don’t look back. Those seated directly around the door area will love you for the refreshing air you have given them. If you spot someone heading towards you to greet you, head them off by beelining straight to the table you assume is yours. Nothing says “this is my night” like walking up to a table without asking.

No booking?

Have you ever wondered how a restaurant actually operates during busy periods? Like, how do they manage to have that many people all sitting down at once yet still bring all the food and drink out in good time? One of the things they do is stagger bookings to ensure there is a constant flow of people at different stages of their meals at any one time, meaning the kitchen never gets jammed with a backlog of orders and front of house can ensure drinks flow freely all night. This is boring and not your problem. 

If the host says they’re fully booked, look shocked. Make sure to point at an empty table and ask, “What about that one?” That’s checkmate. Never mind that tables are staggered for service flow, your need for burrata is immediate and urgent.

NB If you wander in eight minutes before closing, say something like “just made it!” and laugh. They’ll laugh too and you will have a great, late dinner.

A small black sign with the word "RESERVED" written in white chalk sits on a round table in a softly lit, blurred restaurant or café setting.
Not your problem (Photo: Getty Images)

Sitting down

Most restaurateurs have not bothered thinking about the layout of their dining rooms. Tables and chairs are simply in suggested zones. If the seating arrangement is not to your liking, change it. Pull up a chair from another table, rearrange the entire layout if it doesn’t suit your needs. You absolutely can sit next to your friend from work is a right laugh – the couple next to you on their first date will love being irrevocably drawn into your night through you being inches away from them. 

NB If a surprise guest arrives, grab the nearest chair, even if it’s part of a table clearly being set. If anyone challenges you, shrug.

The menu

Think of the menu not as a plan, but a list of suggestions. Mix and match. Ask for your own custom creation. If they say no, look hurt. If they charge extra, look offended. Again, it is not your problem that the chef will have costed out the menu and every change will affect the bottom line. 

NB Claiming an allergy when you just don’t like mushrooms is a classic power move. Say it loud enough for the kitchen to hear – if it’s an allergy, they have to do it. 

Ordering

You are never ready. That’s the fun. Wave the server over, then start reading the menu for the first time when they arrive. Let them return several times, and then when they finally stop checking in it is time to summon them urgently. Keep them on their toes.

Interacting with your server

This is your moment to connect. Ask deep, probing questions about their life plans. “So what do you really want to do?” is a good start. Assume this is their side hustle. Treat their job like a temporary holding pen until they start their real career in, presumably, law or graphic design.

The arrival of food and drinks

When the food or drinks arrive, carry on talking. Let them work around your elbows and handbags like a low-stakes game of Risk. Don’t move. Certainly don’t thank them. That’s their job. That’s what they’re paid for. 

The check-in

This is your spotlight. When the server checks in, it’s time to deliver feedback that’s both unsolicited and immensely subjective. Let them know exactly what combinations you think didn’t work, the chef will appreciate the chance to be a better cook. If you have notes about the plating, offer them with authority. You’ve watched enough My Kitchen Rules to know what you’re talking about.

NB Don’t mention issues now, wait until you’re paying. Or better yet, drop a furious TripAdvisor review once you’re home and onto the whisky. 

Finishing up

Look around. Everyone’s gone. The staff are clearly tidying and sweeping. Stay. This is your moment of peace. Order another round. Ignore the stacking chairs. If they start turning off lights, joke that you’re “shutting the place down”. You are. And they’ll never forget it.

Bon appétit!

Keep going!
An orange background with two similar red logos and a rip down middle
YFC vs KFC (Image: Tina Tiller)

KaiJune 27, 2025

‘Classic David and Goliath’: The Christchurch food truck that’s got KFC clucking mad

An orange background with two similar red logos and a rip down middle
YFC vs KFC (Image: Tina Tiller)

A family-run Christchurch food truck is facing legal action from KFC if they don’t immediately change their branding, reports Alex Casey. 

It was a classic blue dome Christchurch day on Riccarton Road – sunny, cloudless skies, but a distinct chill in the air. Ben Yang had just started his shift at his family-run fried chicken food truck YFC when he received what he describes as “the shock of my life”. Between drizzling crunchy wings with chilli oil and sprinkling fries with secret seasoning, he was approached by someone from NZ Post with a parcel containing a folder of legal documents. 

“We act for Kentucky Fried Chicken International Holdings LLC,” the front page of the dossier read. “While our client can appreciate the place that parody and satire have in social media marketing, our client is concerned that your actions will cause damage and dilution to its well-known brand.” Yang could not believe what he was reading. “When I saw it, I wondered if it was a dream or something,” he says. “Because I never expected this to happen.” 

Yang’s Fried Chicken, or YFC, is run by 17- year-old Yang and his mother Kathy. “Fried chicken was a big part of my upbringing, my father was Korean so I grew up with it and I always really loved it,” says Yang. The Burnside High student returned to his father’s hometown last year and immersed himself in the culture, coming back with his recipes “perfected”. At the end of 2024 his mum was out of work and his own fledgling burger business had fallen over, so Yang decided to open a fried chicken place of his own. “And I had the perfect name – YFC.”

YFC’s signature Korean sweet chilli chicken. (Image: via DoorDash)

It took about half an hour for Yang to watch a YouTube tutorial and create the YFC logo, which features his own beaming face in posterised style on a deep red background, next to “YFC” in white writing. They opened YFC in a sublease in Papanui, before moving to the food truck site on Riccarton Road earlier this year. Still in year 13, Yang says the balance has been a struggle. “When I get off of school, I come here, and I work. I go home about 11 or 12 every night, and it leads me to studying until around three or four AM and not getting any sleep most days.” 

You wouldn’t know any of this from Yang’s captivating and energetic social media videos for YFC. His impressive number of promotional reels includes skits, dances and special effects, all made by a fellow Burnside student who Yang pays to shoot and edit. Other videos feel like they could be lifted straight from the Nathan Fielder playbook. “Are you looking for the most crispy and most juicy chicken in town?” he bellows from outside KFC, a cartoon exclamation mark blazing red and yellow. “Well, you won’t find it here, but you will find it at YFC.” 

Ben Yang, social media superstar. (Images: via TikTok)

It is this particular video along with the likeness of YFC’s name and logo, that has led to legal action from the global chicken empire. Along with the demand to “undertake an immediate rebrand and cease all use of YFC”, the letter also alleges a breach in advertising standards. “Your use of our client’s KFC trademarks in this video is not in accordance with honest practices, takes unfair advantage of and is detrimental to the repute of the KFC trade marks,” it reads. “Advertisements must be truthful, balanced and not misleading.”

Yang says he was in disbelief when he received the letter. “I was really shocked that KFC would actually take this kind of action and waste all their time and money when they are literally the biggest chicken brand in the world,” he says. “It does feel a bit like the big bullying the small.” 

Ben Yang at the food truck (logo redacted). (Image: Alex Casey)

It’s an aggressive approach from KFC but an effective one, intellectual property lawyer Narly Kalupahana tells The Spinoff. “The problem with trademarks is that if you don’t enforce them, then it can come back and bite you down the track,” he explains. For example, “roller blades” was a trademark that started being used generically for inline skates and eventually became so commonplace that its registered rights lapsed in some countries. Closer to home, Popeyes Fish n Chips in Manawatu was forced to rebrand last year after threats from the US fast food giant. 

“It’s your classic David and Goliath,” Kalupahana continues. “If I was him, I’d be probably rebranding – it’s not a fight he wants to get into and it could be a fairly costly one, because my money would most likely be on KFC getting a judge to rule in their favour on this one.” That said, he suggests KFC could have gone for a softer business-to-business approach in the first instance rather than legal action. “Sending the big old lawyer’s letter almost guarantees that the target company gets to ride a bit of a wave of publicity,” he says. 

Restaurant Brands NZ has been approached for comment, but is yet to respond. 

Yang has no plans to battle KFC, and has already started the rebranding process. “We’re a really tiny business. We don’t have much funds or anything to go and fight the biggest chicken brand in the world.” Still, the ever-entrepreneurial student is making the best out of a bad situation, rendering the whole experience into a multi-episode true crime thriller (“this is how we went from frying chicken to frying in legal hell”). He’s also offering a lifetime supply of free chicken to whichever customer comes up with the new logo and branding.

“Whatever happens, I know we will survive,” he says. “Because sometimes it’s not just about the brand – it’s about the chicken. And our chicken is really nice.”