A collage with a puffer jacket, dumbbells, wine being poured, green financial figures, two dollar signs, and the text “THE COST OF BEING” on a red grid background.
Image: The Spinoff

SocietyMay 9, 2025

The cost of being: An ‘impulsive’ 29-year-old who splurges on going out and travelling

Guest writer
A collage with a puffer jacket, dumbbells, wine being poured, green financial figures, two dollar signs, and the text “THE COST OF BEING” on a red grid background.
Image: The Spinoff

As part of our series exploring how New Zealanders live and our relationship with money, a risk specialist explains his approach to spending and saving.

Want to be part of The Cost of Being? Fill out the questionnaire here.

Gender: Male.

Age: 29.

Ethnicity: Indian.

Role: Risk specialist with two dogs.

Salary/income/assets: My income is $96k, and my wife earns $58k.

My living location is: Suburban.

Rent/mortgage per week: Just my wife and I, with our two small dogs. We pay $1,500 a fortnight mortgage for a two-bedroom townhouse in New Lynn.

Student loan or other debt payments per week: We both have a student loan, so maybe $550 combined a fortnight?

Typical weekly food costs

Groceries: We try to stay under the $180 mark for supermarket runs each week. We eat meat with every meal, but don’t eat breakfast Mon-Fri.

Eating out: This is where most of our money gets wasted. We are good with our meals from Mon-Fri in a sense that we only eat what we have shopped for, making meals with what we have and then using leftovers for lunch the next day. As soon as it’s Friday, we are buying drinks at bars, eating at restaurants, and spending money on things we wouldn’t normally. An example would be that this past weekend (Fri-Sun), we spent $450 just at bars and restaurants.

Takeaways: We rarely bring food home to eat. If we do then it would be KFC or Burger King maybe once every two months. So about $5-$10 a week.

Workday lunches: Always take food from home, but we do allocate $20 into our account if we did need to go on a team lunch.

Cafe coffees/snacks: We don’t buy coffee out.

Savings: We have been managing to save. We love travelling, and we make sure we go on at least three international trips a year. We have about $8,000 in savings after paying for flights for two of our trips this year! Quite stoked about that. $2,500 is our general savings, and the rest would be specifically for one holiday in June, and the other in October.

I worry about money: Sometimes.

Three words to describe my financial situation: Lucky, comfortable, impulsive.

My biggest edible indulgence would be: Alcohol. This is where our money goes, unfortunately.

In a typical week my alcohol expenditure would be: $300… yikes.

In a typical week my transport expenditure would be: $50 for gas. The wife has free parking at work so we drive in together. I walk to work from her job (approx 30-minute walk each way). We do use public transport sometimes, so now that AT has increased their costs (again) we do allocate $20pp for transport if needed.

I estimate in the past year the ballpark amount I spent on my personal clothing (including sleepwear and underwear) was: I don’t usually buy clothes very often, so the figure would be approx $600-$700? My wife buys clothes quite often so her quota would be $1,500 for sure.

My most expensive clothing in the past year was: I bought a North Face jacket for $380 (got a staff discount from a mate). Totally worth it considering my Kathmandu was eight years old, and still going strong.

My last pair of shoes cost: I honestly don’t remember the last time I bought shoes. I take real good care of my shoes so maybeeeeee it was my $200 Velcro Old Skool Vans that I bought in 2024? They are limited edition so also totally worth it.

My grooming/beauty expenditure in a year is about: $1,000 for the both of us. I get my hair cut every three weeks or so, but my wife doesn’t really go. She usually gets a quick trim every six months which costs $50 max.

My exercise expenditure in a year is about: I have a Les Mills gym membership so that’s $1.5k a year. Also worth it because other gyms are literally falling apart. I bought Nike Metcons a couple of years ago which are still going strong.

My last Friday night cost: We bought four bottles of wine that we finished the same night, plus two KFC meals. This cost us a grand total of $80.

Most regrettable purchase in the last 12 months was: I honestly regret every weekend we eat out/spend at bars. Would much rather spend on something material, or just save!

Most indulgent purchase (that I don’t regret) in the last 12 months was: Any travel that we book! Seems like a large cost when buying tickets, but it’s so worth it! We even had a staycation for our wedding anniversary that cost us $350 at a five-star hotel in Auckland, and that was also quite memorable.

One area where I’m a bit of a tightwad is: I honestly don’t care about the car I drive. While I always purchase something that I like (I wouldn’t go and purchase a Suzuki Swift, or a Mazda Demio), I don’t care that I am not driving the latest model of the car etc. My current car is considered a sports car, but it’s 25 years old. Passes WOF every time, owe nothing on it, and it gets me from A-B.

Five words to describe my financial personality would be: Impulsive. Stingy in some areas (but acts like a millionaire if alcohol is involved).

I grew up in a house where money was: My parents were/are quite well off. We ate out quite often growing up, which is probably why I have this issue of always indulging now that I am older. Haha only on the weekend though.

The last time my Eftpos card was declined was: 2015 – during my OE in America. The weird thing about the US at that time was that we didn’t have a way to check our account balance without calling up. It was so weird! Card declined for $6.99 because tax is calculated at the end – so irritating.

In five years, in financial terms, I see myself: As I am writing this, I can see that I clearly have an issue with this weekend spending. In five years, you will find me at home from Fri-Sat, saving money. Financially, I am planning on buying a house with more bedrooms for sure because we do have the equity to do so.

Describe your financial low: Honestly, 2024. We went on extravagant trips, likes of Maldives/Singapore/Bali scattered throughout the year. By September we were struggling to pay for necessities after the mortgage payments went out because of the way inflation literally shot up. I wouldn’t wish that situation on anyone. Our credit card was maxed out, interest was piling up, literally no savings. It was bad.

I would love to have more money for: I was going to say alcohol, but I would love to have more money to add another yearly trip to our schedule. One where we don’t have to worry about “losing money converting”.

I give money away to: I would only donate to the SPCA if I see them with buckets around the city or whatever.

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Duncan Greive
— Founder
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SocietyMay 8, 2025

Help Me Hera: My in-laws are terrible gift givers

Contributing writer
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Their other kids get fancy appliances. We get second hand bric-a-brac. What gives?

Want Hera’s help? Email your problem to helpme@thespinoff.co.nz

Kia ora Hera,

My in-laws are wonderful people. They really are. But for reasons unknown to me, they give us terrible gifts.

I know I sound ungrateful but let me explain a bit more and maybe you can help me get out of the thought spiral I find myself in every holiday season.

My in-laws routinely gift their other children really thoughtful and often expensive gifts. Quality appliances, lovely clothing, furniture. They can be very generous. But for us, they often give us bric-a-brac from op shops, socks or bad books.

Don’t get me wrong – in theory, all of those things could be really great. But in practice, they feel like an afterthought. Indeed, often we will be told in the gifting that it was a rush job. Or my MIL will go out on my partner’s birthday and come back with a collection of odds and ends from the supermarket as gifts. So the “it’s the thought that counts” reasoning doesn’t really hold.

Some people are just bad at gifting. But the comparison between how we are treated and the others are is doing my head in. And I can’t work out why. We are neither the worst or the best off. We have a pretty good relationship with them. We put a lot of thought into the gifts we get them. We all live in different cities so it’s not like the baggage considerations are different.

For awhile I used to think it was because the others had kids and we didn’t, but then we had kids and our kids seem to miss out too which has really got me thinking about it more. In fact, on their trips up to see us they’ll often buy gifts for the other grandkids but not ours. My husband has a Christmas birthday so that could explain something but what really happens is that he misses out doubly as a result.

I know that it’s an explanation that can’t really be found but I’d like a way to not think about it because it can really drive me to distraction and sometimes feels like it’s driving a wedge in an otherwise quite positive relationship. Have we somehow wronged them? Do we somehow give off the impression that we like bad gifts? Am I a dickhead for caring about this at all as an adult????

I haven’t brought it up with my husband because his love language is gifts and I don’t want him to feel sad about it if he hasn’t noticed. Their love language is also gifts (or so they profess).

So in lieu of an explanation for what’s happening (although if you can solve it in a way I can’t see please do help) I’d love a way to stop caring about this silly little grinchy feeling inside me.

Thanks,
An Overthinker

Dear Overthinker,

This is one of those torturous, unsolvable mysteries which will either haunt me until I die or for the next two weeks, whichever comes first.

Maybe you were overly complimentary about a knick-knack your in-laws bought you from an op shop, and now they feel like they’re onto a winning thing? Maybe you weren’t complimentary enough about the monogrammed towel set, and they’ve arbitrarily crossed you off their Briscoes wishlist. Maybe they’re completely unaware of any disparity. I suspect that if you’re regularly getting novelty socks, it means your in-laws consider your family “hard to buy for,” even if this has no meaningful basis in reality. Maybe they found your husband hard to shop for as a teenager, and over the years, it’s become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

‘Media is under threat. Help save The Spinoff with an ongoing commitment to support our work.’
Duncan Greive
— Founder

If this was just about the two of you, I’d tell you to grit your teeth and ignore it, but the situation becomes more complicated now that you have kids. It must hurt to see them missing out. I do think it’s rude for your in-laws to bring presents for the other grandkids and not yours, especially if your kids are aware they’re being overlooked. It may just be an age thing – if your kids are still very young, you might find their grandparents step up when the kids are old enough to have discernible hobbies. But if the pattern continues, it might be worth asking your partner to have a word to his parents about “fairness” – at least when it comes to their grandkids. This may have no effect. Some grandparents have blatant favourites, and it’s not the end of the world. The kids will pick up on it, but they won’t be unduly traumatised. We can’t all be taking advanced clarinet and studying to be a marine biologist, or whatever spins grandma’s wheels.

Disappointing gifts are usually disappointing because they make you feel misunderstood or overlooked in some way. You’re obviously more worried about what these gifts say about your position in the family, than missing out on the fancy kitchenware, although I’m sure you’d also like the fancy kitchenware. But because they’re your husband’s family, there’s nothing much you can do about it. In order to take the edge off, I’d suggest matching their effort and delegating all present shopping for that side of the family to your partner. If they ever get you something you really like, make a big fuss over it, so they know they’re on the right track.

I don’t think you’re a dickhead for caring, but I also think there’s nothing particularly constructive you can do. “Don’t think so hard about it” is not very actionable advice, but I think at least making the decision that your husband’s mysterious family hierarchies are his own problem to worry about, and refocusing your efforts into something you can positively influence – like throwing a fun celebration for your own kids – is probably the best way to make peace with the situation.

Gift giving is one of these family rituals that come with obscure but highly specific internal logic, which is impossible to unpack, especially if you didn’t grow up with said family. I think if you have an otherwise good relationship with your in-laws and your husband remains happily oblivious, it’s best to resign yourself to being annually underwhelmed with the best grace you can muster. The second his relatives are safely back on the plane, go straight to the nearest department store, and like Mrs Dalloway, buy yourself the dual-action stick blender.

Good luck!

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